My friends, they love my intelligence
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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