If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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