I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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