dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
