you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
