I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
