Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
please come you make the beer taste better
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
