Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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