Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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