My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
