I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
