then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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