my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ugly people sure do ruin things
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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