I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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