he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
