not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
