I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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