your parents love me but you hate me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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