Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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