We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
