hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
