Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
