i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
