fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
