he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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