i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
