i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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