I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
