She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
