why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
