Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
