she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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