Soap is not a condiment
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
