I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
