I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
