oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
