You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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