So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
