I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
