You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
