remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
