So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
