I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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