maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
