I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
