I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My vagina just recognized that song.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
