I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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