my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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