Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
