My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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