so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
