he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
